There is no oil without squeezing the olives. No wine without pressing the grapes. No fragrance without crashing the flowers. So, when you are pressed, God is just bringing out the best in you. This is my concept of pain. This is how I deal with it. This is how I see it. Simple, concise but profound.
Pain is inevitable. From the moment we were born, we are subjected to pain of all sorts; only that the degree and effects varies from one person to another as he grows and matures. I have never met someone who had all the fun and sweet nothingness in life and none of pain. But I have known a few who talk about pain and these few are among the successful ones I know. I daresay, I am not an exception to this concept of pain.
When I was a kid, like any other normal kid, I had an unadulterated perfect notion of life. I see my family, we eat and laugh together and everything seems logically perfect. But as I grow older, I realized that life is not about being happy and free. It is not about all that is good and new. It is not about getting what you want. Rather, it is being happy with all that is left. It is about the good out of the bad and old ones. And it is about wanting what you get. I have learned not to expect because most often than not, expectations lead to great disappointments. When crying as a kid would entitle you to comforts and hugs, crying as an adult is rather different especially when you have no one to turn to but yourself alone.
Of all the kinds of pain, I think emotional is the hardest to deal with. Physical pain implies that there is something wrong with our body. And early detection will readily solve the problem. Medicines and medical procedures abound to ease the physical pain. But in emotional pain, medicines become superficial. Sometimes, even hugs and comforting words will not suffice to dry the tears and cleanse the heart. It is difficult to endure and the effects last longer like a lingering illness. Sometimes it can even lead to death.
Among the painful things we go through in life that I know of are rejection, abandonment, seclusion, resentment, hatred, regret, failure, disappointment, poverty, ignorance, hunger, anxiety, moral shock and all other emotional meltdowns one could think of. However, the simple fact is: we all go through certain pains and sufferings in life. But the answer to the problem of human pain and suffering does not lie in the world. The world does not understand the meaning of life or the purpose of life unless pain sets in. Sometimes, what makes us happy is the very thing that brings pain and suffering. Yet, no matter how this life holds many difficult times of pain and suffering, this life is only a preparation for the better life to come.
As a matter of fact, most world leaders from politics to art have all gone through a certain ordeal for them to be where they are. Oprah Winfrey, the first woman African-American in media, for instance, had to endure years of abuse and poverty before she could be recognized as one of the most influential persons in the world. That pain prepared her for the great battles that she would face in show business to become the most influential person of our century. Gandhi of India had to pass through stages of suffering before he found enlightenment. Corazon Aquino of the Philippines had to endure tragic loss of a husband before she could find the courage to fight dictatorship and restore democracy.
However, sad fact is, a lot of people have refused pain and failed to see the benefits thereof. I think this is not the proper attitude towards pain. We must honor the pain. We must embrace it. We must see it as a blessing. To some, this may rather seem odd. To me, it is not. Honoring pain is not tantamount to attracting more pain. It rather means, you have accepted your frailties as a human, bound to learn lessons and commit mistakes. For it is not how great the fall but how steadfast you are to rise each time you fall.
Although pain is undesirable, I honestly believe that it is important to personal growth and therefore should be faced head on. When we go through pain, we work hard to get ourselves working hard to get the pain away. I believe that if one had accepted his impoverished background, he could have work hard in school and work as his gateway to success. One Nigerian motivational speaker once said: “Adversities lead us to prosperity”. Tudor Bismarck, a Zimbabwean spiritual leader says that before anything grows, it has to be stretched from its original dimension into a new dimension that represents the growth. The new dimension may be uncomfortable at first but then when we begin to realize the new amount of space allowed in that new dimension, we will come to the realization that the stretch was an important step to growth. The foregoing that does dictate us to say that we must go and look for pain, but rather it means that we should accept all the pain and problems we will go through at one time or another and see what we can learn from them and quickly fit ourselves into the new role that the pain may be attempting to prepare for us. For example, a child who is being weaned will have to start preparing for a life without breast milk, whilst an abused housewife who is being divorced may have to learn to be independent and self-assured.
Deal with emotional pain by delving into it, making friends with it, feeling it until it stops and you are on the other end of it. If you are able to do this, there will be gold on the other end. In life there is a lesson to be learned in all of your victories and all of your defeats. Do not let your refusal to honor pain rule your life, because if you choose to do so, your life will never truly be enriched, for it will only kill any drive that you have that may be directing you towards your calling, and achieving real success in your life. Live your life, do not let the feelings of hurt and pain live your life for you. Use your wisdom from your experiences but never let them hold you back from seeing greatness. Treat pain as a friend, not an enemy, a loving companion that will make us who we are and who we should be in this world.
